Sunday, June 15, 2008

Happy Father's Day, Daddy

Do I want to post this?

Not really, but I feel I need to talk about it so that it's not so heavy on my heart.
I've been feeling down lately, and I need to release my pain.

There is no need to comment, it's just that I need to release this....
especially since I'm planning a nice bbq dinner for my husband and his father (wishing my Dad would show up as well)

My Father died very suddenly 7 years ago just a couple days before Fathers Day.

Although he was very sick for years and years, he seemed absolutely fine just before he died....... some background is needed, I think....

My Father had Mitral Valve replacement surgery in September 1990. It took him about 8 months to recouperate from it, and then you could hear the replacement valve ticking in his chest, almost like a watch or a clock....

He had a bit of a relapse about a year later, but after that, he seemed strong and healthy.
He stopped his 2 pack a day habit of smoking when he had the first replacement surgery, and he also really cut down on his drinking habit.

After that, he seemed completely fine! Was the strong and healthy bull I remember him being when I was a child....

He came over to visit us for Easter, and then a month later for my son's (then) 4th birthday. At that time, I took this picture of him and my youngest daughter (then just shy of her 2nd birthday) 'talking' and I swear, it's the best picture I've ever taken in my life. You can literally see the love flowing between them.... her just a baby, and him at the end of his life....

Papa and Annaliese

Anyway, two weeks later, I got a call from the hospital telling me that my Father's aorta had ruptured and he was in surgery.
I called my family and told them. We all rushed to the hospital and waited and waited.

About 4 hours later, the surgeon came out and asked me and my sister (who at the time, were the only ones in the waiting room) to go with him.
We went into a secluded room where he told me that although he had done everything he could, my Father had died.

Suffice it to say, I still feel the shock of those words.
Even just now when I typed it, I thought, why, why did it happen like that? I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye, or to tell him how he was my hero, or to tell him how much I'd miss him.... how much I loved him....

I hate that he was taken so quickly from me...

but he would have hated it even worse if he had lingered... suffering.

Good-bye daddy. I love and miss you terribly!
I think of you all the time, and I remember so many things that you taught me....

Rest in Peace, Daddy.

your loving daughter,

1 comment:

Dreams of Yarn said...

I just got weepy reading this. I got very depressed this year on fathers day too, missing my daddy so much.

Hugs to you Lynn, we both loved our daddies.